Sunday my manager wanted to write me up for being 30 minutes late to store open (8am) because I was tired from a week of school and closing the store at midnight the night before.
Monday my parents had a huge blowup about money and were screaming at each other all day. I was still behind on sleep and kind of had a had cold-migraine thing going on. I also proceeded to pay almost $900 in bills and charges due to the man repairing our bathroom.
Tuesday was better, but I was still really tired and was up until 2am mediating my parents’ ongoing arguments. Still screaming.
Wednesday I overslept and missed my psych class and I’m stressed about the first exam we have in that class on Monday. In university chorus we were officially placed and all semester I’m on the end of the sopranos between a bass (totally cool) and this bitchy girl for whatever reason does not like me. Work till close and then go home to my parents still arguing. I tell them work out their problems like married adults or I’m moving out. Which I can’t really afford to move out without working more but I can’t afford staying at home and spending hundreds and possibly thousands trying to dig them out of a deep financial hole that they honestly might just be buried alive in.
Thursday, today, I lost my phone. Which is no big deal, I’m very glad I’ve been paying for insurance on it; I’m just a bit upset about my pictures, the $20 SD card I JUST put in there yesterday, and really needing Cameron and Alyssa or talk to at this time.
But tonight I went to Walmart to get a new card for my Rebel and ran into this nice girl Morgan who was in my speech class year. She lost her mom but she was still able to look at me and greet me with a big smile.
So I figure my parents are the verge of separation and my dad is depressed as fuck about being thousands of dollars in debt, but at least they’re alive. And I wish he’d understand that. If Morgan can smile we can smile too.
Just keep swimming.
Yes, hi. Hello. Nice to see you.
I was gone all summer and it’s nice to see that Tumblr hasn’t changed a bit.
UPDATES ON LIFE:
1) My job sucks.
2) But I’ll still probably be there awhile. Yes, Arby’s.
3) I love my manager Emily.
4) I just started my sophomore year at Marshall.
5. I TRANSFERRED TO THE COLLEGE OF ART AND MEDIA AND AM A PHOTOGRAPHY MAJOR.
6) The process was hot and a lot of walking back and forth.
7) I am typing this on my new Dell laptop that I paid for completely with the money I sweated for over the summer. Not mommy and daddy’s money.
8) I am in Marshall’s University chorus.
9) Voice placement is Tuesday.
10) I am only anxious about it because I don’t really know anyone in that 80-person class and being strangers with people will make me uncomfortable.
11) I don’t like being strangers.
12) Too many people are dicks so I figure the easiest way to handle people you don’t know is to assume they are one too.
13) You would be surprised how many people come through drive-thru ordering $25 of food and WILL NOT donate a single dollar to the Arby’s foundation which helps FEED HUNGRY CHILDREN.
14) Lately I’ve had an unbearably soft spot for all living things that aren’t humans.
15) I witnessed a opossum get hit by a car and wanted to cry.
16) There have been several occasions in the past month where I have wanted to smack co-workers in the face for whatever reason.
17) I never used to be that way.
18) I am obsessed with Katy Perry’s new song “Roar” and her performance of it at the VMAs.
19) I didn’t get to go camping this summer. I feel like I would have been a much happier and mellow person.
20) I am now tired.
21) I will probably watch So Little Time on DVD.
22) I grew up watching Mary Kate and Ashley and recently started watching their stuff again to realize they really weren’t that great of actresses but for some reason I still watch their productions anyway.
23) Tomorrow is labor day and I have neither work or school.
24) I will probably get Uno’s or Subway.
25) I had a Choco Taco and Uno’s for the first time this summer and I am currently obsessed/wondering why I never had them before.
26) You are awesome.
27) You are great.
28) You are grand.
29) If anyone ever tells or makes you feel otherwise consider them a toxic element in your life.
But I’ll stick to just these:
I’ve been having trouble sleeping
I had a wonderful time at the beach 2 weeks ago
I worked 39.45 hours last week
I’ve hardly seen any of my friends since I left for the beach 2 wks ago
My Papa died Monday
His funeral is Friday
He was 89 and one of the nicest men alive
No I am not really okay
I’ve missing all my friends and the ones I am no longer in contact with
I’ve been feeling really lonely for the past week or so because my work schedule
Every time friends want to hang out I’ve had to work
Sometimes I feel I am not good enough
I am the exact same weight I was before my vacation to the beach
I haven’t run in almost 2 weeks
My knee is bad
I need new running shoes
NIKE airs are expensive
I want a new job
But they need me and I feel obligated to help them keep that store running
My manager and close friend got fired for embezzlement
My brother is now a security guard
I wonder where I’m going
My 19th birthday just passed, it was really lame
The majority of my friends and family forgot
That’s why I despise birthdays
I can’t wait to see The Purge
My ex-boyfriend (not the recent one) has been on my mind a lot lately
I am setting up a booth at the flea market this weekend
Flea markets are fantastic
So are Goodwills
Tomorrow is my one day off and if I don’t get to do something fun I might cry
I never cry
I’ve cried 3 times this week
I refuse to go to my grandfather’s viewing, only funeral
I think wakes/viewings are morbid
I am usually optimistic. Or stoic, one of the two.
I just got seasons 1-7 of Dexter on DVD and I don’t do anything tomorrow I will watch it all day
I am in a slump
I will be okay again soon
If not very soon then fuck
I wish you sweet dreams and a happy wake in the morning.
(Or afternoon, if you’re party-harder and late riser.)
I wish I was charming and adorable and funny and witty and interesting and creative and inspiring and enticing and oh hey is that a human being
My ex-boyfriend is a fucking prick.
And I’ll probably end up deleting this post but I’m sure I don’t mean everything that I’ll say, but for now I really need to let out all the poisonous and toxic feelings in my system.
It was fine for awhile, but now it’s starting to seem like a normal break-up: the mention of his name pisses me off but at the same time I want him to text me because he misses me. It’s retarded and crazy, I already know.
I broke up with him because I felt like I cared about him more and then he only went and proved me right by getting some skinny chick on the side.
Why do we curvy girls feel like shit all the time? Because you make us feel that we’re not as good. You build us up just to fuck our shit up. And then we’re left feeling worse than we were before. Well, not this time. You’re not worth feeling badly for.
Anyway, he texted me drunk late last night (happy Cinco de Mayo; I was sober and asleep at the time) asking why I “left him.” Not broke up with, not ended it, but “left.” He sounded said. My reaction? I told him why but at the time I was thinking NO FUCK YOU. First of all, the only time you want to talk about these things is when you’re drunk? (I suppose it’s what I get for breaking up with him over text, but he cornered me into it at the time.) Second of all…You aren’t allowed to ask those kinds of questions when you’ve got this chick on the side already. One who, “has the body of [another one of his exes] and [my] boobs.” Shit pisses me off. Nice to know what this guy had been focusing on in his relationships. Glad I ended it when I did.
And my close friend creeped on this girl’s facebook because she’s flirting around with her ex-boyfriend as well. Sorry buddy; she may be a twig, but I can already tell that besides my rage and outright hatefulness at the moment, that’s ALL she’s got over me.
And to think I’d gotten ahold of one of the nice guys, if such a thing that still exists. I think that’s what upsets me the most. I opened up to a jerk. What a fucking joke.
This is how you lose her.
You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.
You must remember when she forgets.
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.
She remembers when you forget.
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.
You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.
And, this is how you keep her.
I can’t help but to think of you.
I just spammed your all’s dashboards with cute-ass gifs in hopes to guarantee a smile in your day.
I’m writing my paper for religious studies and am learning so much I was completely ignorant about and I have to write six more pages before Tuesday so obviously I’m on Tumblr to share a curious fact.
The number 666 is the “mark of the beast” (or Satan; for those who really didn’t know). In biblical terms, 7 is the “number of perfection” and 666 is symbolic for “continually falling short of perfection.”
(And the letters in “Jesus Christ” apparently total out to 888, which is symbolic for “more than” perfection.)
When I learned that I was like WHOAAAAA MIND=BLOWN (I thought it was interesting.)
Love to learn? You can find more here:
And now that I’ve cursed your dashboards with the mark of the beast, I’ll end with this: JESUS JESUS JESUS
Having a beautiful rest of the evening. :)